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5 Reasons You Weren't Invited to the Family 4th of July Party

           Your family has big 4th of July plans. There will be BBQ, plenty of laughter, spades or dominos, festive outfits and of course fireworks. There's one thing missing; you haven't received an invitation yet. It could be a slip up or an implied invitation because it's family. Maybe they don't really want you there. Before you crash the BBQ or get in your feels, consider these reasons why you didn't receive that invite. 

1. You drink too much

         We all know that one person that can't handle their alcohol. They either get extremely loud, overly aggressive or end up passed out in the kiddy pool. You gotta know your limit and stay well below it. No one wants to babysit your drunk ass. Plus throwing up in front of Grandma is grounds for family eviction. Get help or a damn good wing person to slow you down. 

2. You show up empty handed, but leave with plates.  

          I have an uncle who never ever brings anything to the BBQ, but always takes to go plates. Don't be like my uncle; who never gets invited yet always shows up anyways. Bring something! A bag of ice is the least you can do. It takes nothing to bring a couple sodas or hot dog buns. If you don't put in on this, you can't leave with anything. Simple.  

3. You Have Weird Food Preferences

          Yeah, we get it. You're Vegan, vegetarian, or on some other food restrictive diet. We totally understand it, but this menu ain't changing for you. Stop bringing your weird dishes trying to force everyone to try them. No cauliflower covered in buffalo sauce doesn't taste just like hot wings. We love you, but we kinda feel like you're judging us for eating BBQ. Not cool.    

4. Your Kids are Bad as Hell

          This one might be a hard pill to swallow for some parents, but sometimes people just don't like your kids. You might think little Timmy is a little angel, but everyone else sees the little devil he is. Kids that break things, smell really weird, and that fight everyone else's kids aren't welcome fam. Your kids need to have home training and a proper bath before coming to a family function. If your kids have silver teeth, just assume they aren't invited. You good, just leave that kid at home. 

5. You're a Negative Nancy or a Debbie Downer  

          No one wants a person around someone that's always negative or that's always in their feels. Bish don't kill my vibe. Don't come around raining on people's parades because your life isn't where you want it to be. Be positive and supportive of family and friends or stay your negative ass at home. If you're always sad at the function, people will naturally try to avoid you. So what you aren't married yet. Yes, we know you're unemployed, but none of that matters. No one really cares if you're having money troubles. We are all trying to enjoy our day off and family. Check those feels at the door. 

 

         Any of these remind you of yourself? It's never too late to make some changes and family will welcome you back regardless. That's what family is all about. We love you in spite of. What other reasons are there why someone wouldn't be invited to the family function? Drop a comment. Don't forget to like and subscribe to the blog for more updates!  

Life is for Living, 

Michael B.  

 

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Things I Learned from Beale Street Music Fest

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Things I Learned from Beale Street Music Fest

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           Festival time is in full gear in Memphis and I couldn’t be happier! This is what makes Memphis, well Memphis. There will be a festival each week until October, which is why I call Memphis the City of Festivals. We just wrapped up Beale Street Memphis MusicFest, which finally offered a very diverse lineup after years of...... yeah we ain’t gonna go there. I enjoyed it this year and in the process learned a couple things.  

 

1. RAIN BOOTS ARE VITAL

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          Now this I shouldn’t even have to say, but I get asked each year if it’s really muddy. Mane look.  It’s a festival in the middle of spring. It’s gonna rain at some point and get muddy. Get a pair of rain boots and you’re set. There are some that go just sandals or barefoot, but those people are savages. Who raised y’all? I wore boots the entire festival and my feet are paying the price. Just prepare to wear them next year. 

 

2. OLD PEOPLE STAY AT HOME

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         Yeah I said it. Old people don’t belong at the festival. Well, I will put it like this. People who don’t want to be bumped into, be around intoxicated folks, talk to random strangers, or don’t want to smell a little weed; should probably just stay at home. It’s a festival Grandpa! What do you expect? Festivals are a very unique experience. Just chill out and enjoy or take your old ass to bed. People with attitude problems should stay home as well.

 

3. POST MALONE IS A PRETTY BIG DEAL 

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          Post Malone was clearly the reason thousands of 20 somethings showed up to the festival. I’ve never seen a crowd that large for any other artist than the one that showed up to see Post Malone. They were literally waiting at the stage for hours just to see him. I’ve heard of Post Malone, but I didn’t think he was that big. I was obviously wrong and I’ve been regulated to Old as Hell status. This might be a dumb question, but is he a rapper or a singer? Yeah, never mind because now I feel old for even asking.

 

4. PRONTO PUPS ARE LIFE! 

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         When you think of Memphis food, what comes to mind after BBQ? If you said anything other than the amazing Pronto Pup, you’re lying and I don’t love you. OMG!! It’s the most epic food there is! I literally ate about 30 in 3 days and I don’t feel ashamed about that at all. If you ain’t got Pronto Pups at your event, don’t invite me. Maybe that was a tab bit dramatic, but you get what I’m saying.  

 

5. ERYKAH BADU AINT GONNA BE ON TIME. DEAL WITH IT. 

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         There’s a thing called fashionable late and then there’s Badu late lol. Not only was she 45 behind, but her first couple songs were her freestyling sound checks. I can’t lie I was super pissed she didn’t go on at her scheduled time,  but when this woman sang I instantly forgot all about that. Did she play me? Hell yeah she did, but I don’t care! I can’t get enough of her regardless of the wait time going On and On. See what I did there?  

 

 Life is for Living, 

Michael B.  

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It’s Festival Season!

           Spring in Memphis is amazing and it’s the best time to be in Memphis! Why? Because it’s the start of festival season! The weather is usually nice and every weekend until late summer and early fall, there will be a different festival each weekend. Sometimes you get two in one weekend. It starts off this weekend with the Memphis Brewfest, which happens to be one of my favorites, and followed by the The Rajun Cajun Crawfish Fest. 

             For those that say there's nothing to do in Memphis, you're so wrong! Every weekend there is something to do. It's all about whether you actually want to do anything or just complain. As for me; the plan is to go to each festival in the city. Pray for me. Here's a list of upcoming festivals. Memphis Brewfest date is wrong. It's actually 4/14/18. 

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             Here you go! Now get out there and enjoy the Bluff City's festival season. If you see me, come speak!  

Life is for Living, 

Michael B.  

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10 Things My Dad Taught Me That All Guys Should Know

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10 Things My Dad Taught Me That All Guys Should Know

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           The title pretty much speaks for itself. My dad, or Papa Bear, taught me some great lessons in life. Pretty much everything I know was taught to me by him. He taught me that there are just some things every guy should know. Some are pretty obvious, but some aren’t so much. This isn’t intended to bash the fellas (we get enough of that already). This is more of a refresher course of sorts for your skills. Trust me, I stick to the Guy Code faithfully. We all know how important skills are to guys, so get in, buckle up, and see if you have these important guy abilities.


1. Know how to tie a neck tie or bow tie

         This is an essential skill passed down to me by my father. I spent hours in the mirror trying to master this and failed miserably countless times. I once attended a wedding and none of the groomsmen knew how to tie a necktie. I was utterly amazed. I didn't realize some guys didn't know this basic skill. I ended tying everyone's tie and I was just the photographer! Also, if you’re over the age of 12, you shouldn’t be caught dead with a clip on. Nope, Nope, Nope.  Don’t do it to yourselves, fellas. Trust me, you’re not fooling anyone. We know it’s fake. YouTube has countless tutorials on this, so use it to brush up on your skills.

2. Know how to change a flat tire

Imagine having a lady in the car and the tire goes flat. You don’t know how to change it and you have to wait for a wrecker. Yeah, you've pretty much told her everything she needs to know about you. No matter what she says, she’s definitely telling her friends how terrible of a man you are. Don’t be this guy. Again, YouTube is a valuable resource. 

3.  Know how to match your clothing and shoes

Simple rule fellas: your shirt and socks should match. Wearing a blue shirt? Your socks should have blue in them as well. White shirt? You have an endless possibility of sock colors you can wear. Wear something other than white socks, though. Also, the belt must match the shoes. Brown shoes means brown belt and the same for black. 

4. Be a gentleman

Blame it on my Southern roots, but I still believe in being a gentleman. There are 3 basic rules you should know:

1. Open the door for her.

2. Help her up and down stairs.

3. (The most important) make sure to never let her walk next to the curb.

Trust me, that last one women really, really pay attention to. I see guys all the time letting their ladies walk closest to the street. My dad would call them out, but I don't necessarily want those problems lol. Basically, you’re supposed to get splashed by a truck or hit by a car. 

5. Always flirt with older women

This is a super pro tip! My dad told me this when I was around 12. I thought he was crazy. Why would I want to flirt with older women? Fast forward to my 30’s and I realize my dad gave me some of the best advice ever! Don’t be a creep. Flirting should be subtle. Very subtle! For example, greet an elderly woman as young lady and watch how her eyes light up! This also works perfectly for networking. Many business deals are closed with the wives of businessmen. 

6. Have basic repair knowledge

My dad told me he couldn’t respect a man that didn’t know how to use a wrench. I experienced what he meant by this later in life when I had to teach a guy how to change a flat tire. Having some basic knowledge of the difference between a Phillips and a flathead screwdriver and the difference between a pair of pliers and a wrench is very important. Also, fixing things for your lady will get you a million brownie points. Even if you don’t fix whatever it is, she will love the effort. For some strange reason women love to watch a man work on things. I'm also told they like toolbelts. 

7. Have 3 go-to drinks at the bar

This was something I learned later in life. When you go to the bar, go with confidence. I say to always have 3 go to drinks that you can riddle off to any bartender. My 3? Old Fashioned, Whiskey and Sprite, and Moscow Mule. Don’t be the guy at the bar that needs a menu to order a fruity drink, lol. Also, have 3 drinks in your arsenal that a woman would love. My 3 drinks for women? Red Snapper, Pink Panties, and Riesling/Moscato.

8. Know how to cook a steak

A man that can grill is a real man’s man. Nothing is more fulfilling than grilling for people and everyone sings you praises about your grilling talents. It’s close to the feeling of throwing the game winning touchdown. Now, anyone can throw a steak on the grille and cook it to the God awful well done point. But no one should eat a steak well done. Ever! Medium is where it’s best. Grille a great steak and win the Super Bowl. Simple. Also, if your steak needs anything other than salt, pepper and butter, then it’s a terrible steak. Leave the steak sauce off!

9. Have good personal hygiene

Fellas, learn how to wipe your own ass. Yes, I said it. We can be simply disgusting in the personal hygiene arena, but we can change that. Take daily showers, clean the dirt from under your nails, get pedicures for your rough feet, keep your hair neat, change your socks, wash your bed sheets, and wear deodorant. Stop being slobs fellas. 

10. Know how to unhook a bra with one hand

This is another PRO TIP. My dad didn’t teach me this one, but an older woman did. (Remember what I said about flirting with older women, right?) This move will get you where you want to go fast. It’s a simple move that takes practice and patience. It’s a slight pull, squeeze, and presto! Can’t pull it off? At least be able to take one off with 2 hands and not stumble and mess up. Nothing kills the vibe like a fella that can’t unhook a bra.

          That's all! 10 great skills every guy should have. How did you do? Do you have any other things all guys should know? Drop a comment! Don't forget to subscribe for updates!  

 

Life is for Living, 

Michael B.  

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What Not to Get A Woman For Valentine's Day

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What Not to Get A Woman For Valentine's Day

I recently wrote a blog post helping women with buying a Valentine's Day gift for men. If you haven't checked it out, click this LINK. I was fully prepared to write a post to help the fellas out, but something odd happened. No something amazingly bad happened. I polled over 40 women to see what were some of the best and worst Valentine's Day gifts they've received. The responses totally changed the whole blog post! Instead of telling you what to get, I'm now going to tell you what NOT to get. There's a catch! I will use the quotes of the ladies I polled. Why? Because you should be listening to the ladies anyways. 

Worst gift I ever got was a typical last minute grocery store flowers and box of chocolates
The worst gift I got was an empty card. He didn’t even sign his name.
Workout gear
Appliances
Familiar dick
DEATH TO EDIBLE ARRANGEMENTS!!
Empty card
Teddy Bear. Leave those for the high school kids.
Flowers from Krogers and he didn’t know what kind of flowers they were.
I’ve never gotten a Valentine’s Day gift.
No gift at all.
A box of “what the hell are in these” chocolates.
Pots and pans set. It was a nice ass set, but who wants a damn US gift for V Day?
I got money...... yeah.
Anything I have to plan or execute. A coupon for a set of free hugs and shit. Nobody got time for that nonsense.
The worst gifts are gifts that show you don’t know me at all. I got white cake and I don’t eat white cake so it was a slap in the face.
cheesy Valentine’s Day teddy bear.
roses, chocolate, and giant obnoxious stuffed animals for adults. How fucking unoriginal!
Something he purchased an ex before me.
Cheap perfume that gave me a rash.
A 3D thing with a picture of him in it. Conceited much?
Bathroom renovation
Something I bought myself and he called it a gift since we shared a bank account.....
Lingerie
Permission to buy a drum set with my own money. Was told this via a 70s ass looking yellowed card from a tiny grocery store around the corner.
A book on coin magic that he told me HE wanted a few weeks earlier.
I got an Edible Arrangement exactly like the one he sent his mother with the same exact note!
A cheap ass off brand foot massager from the “quick gifts” section at Wal-Mart. It had to be $20 or less. It didn’t massage worth a damn and died after a few weeks.
A hideous, giant red stuffed alligator with a cheap bath product basket. We went out once and I didn’t even like the guy. He left it on my doorstep.
A huge card asking me to be their girlfriend on a first date.
A bunch of candy and condoms.
A phone call saying Happy Valentine’s Day
A text that he overslept.

Ok, I had to stop the assault. It got way worse. Needless to say, fellas we have do better. DON'T DO WHAT THESE GUYS DID!! Put some thought into this and you will be rewarded handsomely. You have 7 days! Really you only have about 3. I will give you a quick pro tip. Women don't always want something big and flashy. The consensus is the ladies just want something thoughtful and intimate. A dinner at a nice restaurant (NO CHAIN RESTAURANTS) or a dinner prepared by you at home. The one response I got that I thought was absolutely awesome; "My child's father gave me a week off from being a mother. He took care of the kid while I got needed rest." See, that doesn't take much effort guys. Also, write something in the damn card! 

 

Life is For Living,

Michael B.

 

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5 Things Guys Actually Want For Valentine's Day

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5 Things Guys Actually Want For Valentine's Day

      So it's almost Valentine's Day and you're trying to decide what to get that special guy in your life. You're probably thinking, "Oh he really needs this" or " He could really use that". STOP!! No one wants what they need as a gift. Women tend to buy men what they need and not what we actually want. A woman wouldn't want a vacuum cleaner or an oil change as a gift and us fellas don't want a tie or socks either. Well, we kinda like socks just not basic black or white ones. In my experience, I've rarely gotten anything from a woman that I truly wanted unless I specifically told her what to get. So here's my guide to help you ladies out!  

  Disclaimer: SEX IS NOT A GIFT!!!

Drone

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Yes! We love drones! Guys love gadgets in general and with the weather about to turn warmer, a drone is pretty much at the top of most guy's lists. I have one and I love it! They come in all price ranges as well, so they are budget friendly. My pick would be the DJI Mavic Air. Check it out HERE.

Also, if a drone is out of your budget, a radio controlled plane or car is a great alternative. 

Smart Speaker

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What guy doesn't like music? Dump him if he doesn't. What's cooler than just playing music? Well, telling the speaker to play music lol. Not only that, a smart speaker can turn on lights, control a thermostat, send a text, and even order a pizza. Pretty cool, right? I've tried them all and I love the sound quality of the Sonos, but love the functionality of the Amazon Echo. 

Cool Socks 

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Yes socks made the list! Not those plain and boring pack of socks. No one wants the socks our dads wore. Well, dad wore pretty cool socks, but I assume my mom played a huge part in that. Help your man out and step up his fashion game with some cool socks. Don't know what socks to get? Here's a pro guy tip. Socks should match the shirt. Go check his closet out and see what colors he normally wears and get matching socks. Simple. 

Tile

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Yes, this could classify as a need as well, but a guy might not know he wants one. I tend to misplace my keys and wallet. I have been late to countless things because I'm tearing up my apartment in search of my wallet or keys. I was given a Tile and it's changed my life! Using the app, I can pinpoint where my wallet or keys are and it even plays a sound to navigate you directly to the lost object. Another killer feature is the Tile will also find the connected phone if you misplace it! Trust me, this is a great gift for the forgetful man. It just won't help him remember your anniversary though. I'm no miracle worker. 

Smart Watch

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Hey look another smart item! Get the theme? Smart watches have come a very very long way. They aren't just for nerds who wanted a calculator on their wrist. Smart watches do so much more and are very stylish now. Watches are a must have accessory for a stylish fella and you can't really go wrong with a nice watch. Now that smart watches come with a variety of band and bezel options, a guy can finally get emails, listen to music, send messages, get directions, and update his calendar while being swagged out. My pick would be the Apple Watch. It's pretty much in a class of it's own. 


So here's a starting point! Don't buy guys another sad gift! We will accept it, but on the inside we are crying for something cool. Trust me, we love gifts just as much as you do. We just want the things we actually want. Does your guy have things currently that are on the list? Well, you could always get him basketball tickets, a jersey of his favorite player, a nice pair of shoes, or even a pocket knife. The ideas are endless, but you have to put the same thought into our gifts as you want us to put into yours. 

Have any other ideas or thoughts? Drop a comment! Don't forget to like or share this post!

Life is for Living,

Michael B. 

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